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Given all that, knowing that things are going to get real stupid at some point, with characters quoting Michael Bay movies (“The Rock,” “Bad Boys”), and acknowledging that the 2:16 advertised running time is an understatement, do you give yourself over to Bay’s latest non-“Transformers”/”Bad Boys” ride? But most of what comes in between is a life-is-cheap/nobody-ever-needs-to-reload gunfight and crash-crash-crash (in more or less real time) car chase. It opens with an emotional gut-punch and ends with an attempted reprise of that. Jake Gyllenhaal turns on the “crazy Jake,” with Yahya Abdul-Mateen II (Manta in “Aquaman”) in the “good half-brother corrupted” sidekick role, Eiza González as this year’s Megan Fox, playing a kidnapped paramedic and Garret Dillahunt as a Josh Duhamel substitute - the cop/authority figure given to bragging that “We’re SIS…we set traps” for bad guys. The plot goes completely off the rails.Īnd the casting is archetypal, one long Bay cliche.
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The the whole movie is glib, with a police SIS captain in tattered USC gear driving his drooling mastiff around in a vintage Fiat 500 spouting flippant dialogue, with only the rarest line standing out. The action sequences are assaultive, brutally-efficient exercises in gunplay, stunts and frenetic acting passing by in a blur as breathless as the editing team can make it, all of it set to a thundering pulse-pounding score by Lorne Balfe. GayHDPorno.“ Ambulance” is 80 minutes of pure mayhem wallowing through 140-150 minutes of pure Michael Bay hokum.
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